Refreshed

Ahhh... What a perfect weekend at Women of Faith. I was moved. I was encouraged. I was refreshed. It was so perfect right now that I won these tickets for it is at this time in my life that I find myself grappling with so many questions and possibilities in the christian walk that I never really felt possible. I feel like a dry desert that just keeps sucking in the water and through that I have a dawning of new understanding coming over me.

It seems so crazy. I grew up in a Christian home I've sang the song Jesus Loves Me thousands of times and yet I've never really truly let the truth of that sink into my soul. How have I gone all these years and not grabbed a hold of that. It has gotten me thinking, if I have felt this way surely there are many more of us. Women who just don't feel we measure up and God doesn't want what leftovers we can give. We keep telling this to ourselves over and over and eventually we just quit trying or we try but feel like it is doing nothing. That we can't change.

The point I took home this last weekend is that God sees me. HE SEES ME! The injustices I suffer, some for His name's sake, He sees. When I feel like I have taken the world on my shoulders and am drowning under the weight of it, He sees. When I fail time and time again but desperately want to do what is right, He sees. When I feel totally invisible to every single person on this planet and like I don't matter... He sees. Wow! Talk about a reason to hope. God is on our side. Like that song goes..."If God is for us, who can be against us, who can stand against our God."

I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes. God has been working on my heart for awhile now and little by little I allow His truths in and uncover some wrong thought patterns I've been harboring and kick them out. This has been going on for years and will probably continue until the day I die. We are never complete this side of time. I'm so thankful to God for how faithful He is. I can't even begin to tell you some of the things I've harbored in my heart. Some of the ways I feel I am and there is no way I can change them on my own. Only God, through his mercy, can change a heart. I am so thankful!

Through all this I do feel a deep stirring in me. God wants more and is calling me to more. I don't know what the more is but I'm going to be obedient. I'm going to keep searching and I'm going to live my life in such a manner that his love can be seen through my life. Will you join me?