Give and Take Away

Our family of 5 will be turning into a family of 6 in February.  We are all very excited about this little blessing and he/she will be the perfect addition to our family.  I feel so blessed to have another one to train and raise.  God is good!

 In sad news... my dearly loved Grandmother passed away on Sat.  It's so sad to think she is truly gone and I will never again be able to call her or hear her voice or see her smile.  She was an amazing lady!  As I have reflected on our lives I can't remember a time that I have asked something of her and she told me no.  She gave and gave and it didn't matter what she had going on in her schedule she always made time for me and made me feel special.  She did it with everyone in her life.  I don't know what we are going to do without her. It's really made me think a lot of how I want to be like her.  I want to give of myself so willingly and bless others with my time.  I want to be a grandma like she was.  We played cards a lot.  Whenever grandma was around that is what we did, usually until 1 in the morning.  At first I thought I would never be able to play again because it would just be too sad but I can't give up her legacy.  I'm going to have to continue it in memory of her and teach it to my kids and grandkids.  I'm so glad she is no longer in pain and is free from the troubles of this life.  It sure is going to be hard to wait until heaven to see her again.  I know God is taking great care of her.  I love you Grandma and will miss you always.  Thank-you for all you did for us and always with a willing heart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.  Job 1:21

Green Smoothies

Most of you who know me, know that I am kind of a health nut.  I'm not too fanatical but I do strive to do healthy eating for myself and my family.  No high fructose corn syrup, no food colorings, try to avoid genetically modified organisms (GMO's) etc..  Through my journey, and it is a journey, I come across things that work for us and will stick and other things that don't. 

Remember those green smoothies I've talked about.  It's a food that is going to always stay in our lives. It's whole food, nothing processed, and does wonders for detoxing your bodies and supporting your organs.  I do a mixture of spinach, kale, lettuce, collard greens, beets, carrots, cucumber, apple, orange, banana, strawberries, pineapple, blueberries.  Just whatever sounds good to me at the time and whatever I have on hand.  I have gone through several regular cheap blenders and finally decided to take a step and buy the vitamix.  It works awesome and can even grind wheat and make nut butters.  You can also make ice-cream or fruit sorbets in them as well as hot soups. Joel loves the ability to through some tomatoes in and some cream and some seasonings and have instant hot tomato soup.

 I decided to become an affiliate and I now get to offer the savings on to you guys.  You can have free shipping on any order just by ordering through my link.  If you've been on the fence about purchasing one I highly recommend one.  It works so much better than any blender I have ever tried.  My whole family now does a green smoothie a day with me which is a great way for my kids to get vegetables I would never be able to get them to eat. 

If you are interested in seeing them or purchasing one.. here is the link.

In other news

I broke my arm a month ago now. I was unloading my kids bikes out of the back of our truck and the tailgate popped open and out I fell. There have been some praises through it all though. Our church has been a huge blessing to us and has truly shown me what the hands and feet of Christ are like. We had 3 weeks of meals and random people stopping by to clean my house and see what we need help with. My oldest brother even stopped by several different times to help. I never thought I'd see that day. I feel so thankful for him and his wife!

I won't lie the night it happened I laid awake the whole night, partly from pain, and partly from fear. Fear of how to take care of my kids, change Kenan's diapers, cook food, clean. Just do life.
God saw fit to take care of every need right down to the nitty gritty. Once again it has been a huge lesson in faith and in letting go. Letting go of things I think need to happen and letting God show me what He wants to have happen. All in all it has been a wonderful experience for me. I never, ever thought I would say that about a broken arm but God has imprinted on my heart more truths of him. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 He showed me that verse quite literally in the last month.

During all this Abby got a concussion. It was quite scary when at 2 a.m. she woke up with a throbbing headache and threw up and had one pupil dilated and the other one not. I'm sure we were a site at the E.R. Me with my hot pink cast and Abby with a concussion. I hope we are done with our injuries now for awhile but I'm not going to fret one little bit about it because I know that no matter what happens God has us in His hands.

Honesty is a virtue

It seems overwhelming to look at this blank page. There is so much to say and such a jumble getting it from my head to hand.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. I had no idea when I stepped into this almost 7 years ago the amount of time, effort and heart I would have into my children. Naturally I assumed I would love them and they would love me and adore me and obey every single thing I said, the first time. Is it surprising to you that it hasn't turned out quite like that?! It is to me.

We've been dealing with the issue of lying lately. Not just some little white lie but deliberate, I promise you I didn't do it over and over kind of lying. Not having dealt with this yet I do what any newbie would do... I panic! My mind automatically jumps to the future and I think if she can lie to us this easily and with such a sure mouth of course the next thing to follow is stealing or even worse murder. Ok.. I might be jumping to a few conclusions here but I know it is something we need to nip now.

All week we read the children's book of virtues which talks about honesty and we read stories on honesty. We've talked about how when we catch her in a lie it makes us not be able to trust her and if we can't trust her then how can we believe anything she says even when it could be something major. We just got done reading about George Washington today and his famous quote, "I can not tell a lie, it was I." His dad then goes on to tell him that it takes such courage to tell the truth and that is always the best way and we went into length about that. (Enter big sigh of relief).. I feel like I covered all my bases and was feeling quite good about her knowledge of truth and lies and how we are to be honorable and reflect Christ.

Then tonight it happens...gulp... we ask her to tell us the truth on a matter and she looks in our eyes and adamantly denies having a part in it. After several minutes of denial she caves and tells us the truth. I was shocked. How can the lying still be a part of her. After several minutes of talking she was sent to her room for bed at 6:30. That is a huge consequence for our little night owl who loves family time. We want her to know it is serious and won't be tolerated, but, we also want her to know that our God is a God of grace who loves us despite our imperfections and weaknesses. We all give in to fear at times and do things that aren't honorable and courageous. Thank goodness God knows that and he doesn't expect us to be perfect, just that we strive. So strive we shall and we will keep growing this side of heaven until one day we can be made perfect.

In the meantime if any of you know what else to do about lying I am all ears.

This and That

Some updates:

*My sister left to go back to her overseas home.
*We all miss her madly.
* Joel has been home for the last week totally unpaid sick with what seems like the plague.
* My little Emmy now has it and just lays and moans while running a 104 temp.
* My guess is that we have influenza. Not fun.
*Kenan has broken in 3 2 year old molars in the last month. He's teething like crazy.
*Abby is reading fluently and with inflection... she really just picked it up and went with it.
*I'm loving learning biblical history with her and understanding the chronological order of events.
*I get to go to a Casting Crowns concert with my husband coming up soon.
*I'm now on day 17 of raw smoothies but I did get to add in one cooked meal a day.. only meat.. no grains and no dairy
*I have tons of pictures to post and hope to soon but just don't have the energy right now.

I think that is all for now. Hopefully next time I write we are all flu free.

Challenges

I have embarked on a new journey. I will only be drinking raw fruits and veggies that I juice. Sound crazy? Watch Fat, Sick and nearly dead and you'll see why. My dr. put me on this diet. It is really hard. Today is day 4 and so far the worst day by far. I am constantly having to qoute Bible verses and tell myself I can do this.

Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Free

I read a post today at passionate homemaking that really resonated with my soul.

It was all about feeling guilty in our mothering and how we never measure up and we condemn ourselves. I'm there... everyday. I'm beginning to see a light.. something different than these thoughts and rules I can never measure up to. Something called Grace.

Here is an excerpt from it:
"My outbursts of anger were nailed to the cross before I even walked this earth. My fear of failure is a waste of my energy. He paid the greatest price for them. In order to experience true freedom from guilt, I must stop focusing on all that I need to do in order to become a better mother. I must first turn my gaze upon what He has already done for me.
The only way to become a better mom is to preach the gospel to myself every day. It’s not by behaving that makes me a better mom, it’s by believing- believing more deeply in what He has accomplished.
God doesn’t call me to be perfect. He calls me to embrace my standing before him, and to run in that freedom he has already granted to me! I am adored by Christ! I am redeemed! I am accepted!"

Go here to read the whole story

Grace is whispering to my diseased soul new thoughts. Thoughts that free me. Thoughts that affirm who I am in Christ. Thoughts of courage and not fear. Come grace come!

“Because Jesus was strong for me, I am free to be weak;
because Jesus won for me, I am free to lose;
because Jesus was someone, I am free to be no one;
because Jesus was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary;
because Jesus succeeded for me, I am free to fail.” -Tullian Tchividjiant.

Awed

It really struck me tonight that God would allow just normal, average people like us
To be entrusted with so much

What a privelage and such a high calling.

"Train up a child in the way he should go :And when he is old, he will not depart from it."Proverbs 22:6

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward."
Psalm 127:3

follow-up

Lastnight after writing the Secret Post listen to what I read;

"God made each of us with a vulnerable place inside our souls--a desire to be wanted, loved, and chosen above all others. I think that is what ultimately drives people on both sides of an arena-filled stage. The person on stage is looking to have this vulnerable place filled by the screaming crowd. The screaming crowd somehow thinks this famous person has it all figured out; if only they can just get close, some of that fulfillment will surely rub off on them.

All the while Jesus stands off to the side and wonders if anyone realizes He's the One our souls long for...not the fame...nor the attention of the famous...and not the millions of other things we'll spend our lives thinking we must have.

The answer to our deepest desires is not the seemingly perfect (emphasis mine) life...not the most romantic husband...not the smartest and most well-behaved kids...not the bigger house...not the better job...not the awards and recognition of people...not in trying to feel our way to God.

It's making the choice to recognize God is close....God is there. Loving. Assuring. Teaching. Calling. Choosing to spend time with us. ----- Lysa Terkeurst in her Becoming more than a good bible study girl book.

Wow.. If that wasn't God speaking directly to me. Sometimes he just knocks my socks off like that!

Secret

I've been struggling for quite sometime with the secret to contentment. I've always known it is something I must possess in order to be fulfilled and living how God wants me to be. Yet, it has always been a fleeting thought for me.

I find I am always wondering what so and so's life is like or wondering how they could be blessed so huge while we are trying so hard and it seems like we struggle greatly. Ugly thoughts I know but it has been the truth for me for too long. I've come to realize that it is really just jealousy. Ok, I know what you are thinking.. how can someone who claims to know Christ, and has been given way more than she deserves, be jealous. I don't know why or how and I hate these feelings and yet I have them. Whew... It's out.

Lately through some wise words and through retraining myself I think I am finding how to be content with what I have...with who I am... with MY life.
You see, no one has the perfect life. Even those who may act like they do and make you long for what they have. There is no perfection this side of heaven.. only the illusion of it. I think those deep longings we feel in our hearts are just going to be there forever until Heaven when God satisfies us and we are in His presence.


Our job now is to kick out the if only I had that thoughts... or life would be easier if..etc... Instead replace them with thoughts of praise and gratitude for what has been done for us. Sure we may have to work harder than others but thank-you God that we are not handicapped and we are able to work. We may have to sacrifice more (or so it seems), but Thank-you God that you have met all our needs that we are able to give. We may feel like we aren't loved, or significant to the world but, Thank you Father that you would have died even if it was just for me.

What more could I possibly need or want. God is enough and that is reason to be content.

For further reading I strongly encourage you to pick up Lysa Terkeurst's book Becoming more than a good bible study girl. It is phenomenal and will challenge you in many areas of your life. (Unless you're perfect! ;-) )

I have been tagged in a get to know you post from my cousin Veronica. So here it goes:

1. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, what would it be? I love music and use it as my crutch to get through my day. There are so many amazing songs and artists that encourage my walk with the Lord. I'd have to cheat and make a mixed album and have some Jeremy Camp, Casting Crowns (who I get to see live next month), Kari Jobe, Barlow Girl, Steven Curtis Chapman among many more.

2. If you were a teacher, what subject would you teach? I am a teacher to my first grader currently, and next year I'll be adding in a kindergartner. My favorite subject to teach is history. It is so rich and I always learn new things.

3. What is your favorite Bible verse or quote? Lately I have been falling in love with so many verses as I learn to take captive my thoughts and align them truths from scripture. One of my favorites right now is, "For I am the Lord your God, who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar. My name is the Lord Almighty. I have put my words in y0ur mouth and hidden you safely within my hand. I set all the stars in space and established the earth. I am the one who says to you, "You are mine!" Isaiah 51:15-16

4. Why did you start your blog? I started my blog as a way to keep my sister who lives overseas current in our lives.

5. What is one book you think everyone should read (besides the Bible, because that's a given)? Again with the only one... there are too many to choose just one. I love Lysa Turkest she writes with such passion for God. Susie Larson is another great author, Angie Smith, Priscilla Shirer, Gary Chapman, the list goes on and on... I am a reader and constantly have 2-3 books going at the same time so I could give lists of what to read. I can't give just one though.

6. Favorite drink to get at Starbucks? Honestly don't know if I've ever been there. I like coffee drinks that are sweet. Just a hint of coffee and tons of sugar!

7. Would you rather it snow or rain? Rain. There is something so peaceful about rain dripping down the windows. Sometimes I just need a rainy day.

8. Advice that your mom gave you that you never forgot? After I had Abby and she was such a hard baby and I was having some post-partum stuff my mom told me to just enjoy. It is just a stage and it will go fast. If there is a stage you don't like just know it will be gone soon. If it is one you like, enjoy it because it too will be gone soon. I found that to be so true and comforting.

9. Most read website or blog (besides mine, of course . . . *wink, wink*)? A holy Experience

10. One thing you would tell your 13 year old self? It is the same thing I am still telling my 28 year old self... grow up.. life isn't about me. It's about Him.

11. What do you hope people will say about you after you die? I hope that they will say I tried my best to live my life for God and even in my shortcomings they could see him in the way I re-acted. I hope to be remembered as a great mom who encouraged her kids to go for their dreams and a supportive wife who stood behind her man at all times. I just hope to show Christ to a dying world and as I write this I realize how much I fall short of it.

Now it is your turn. Sara@ Just another Day, Leah@ In the Hands of the Master Poet, Kara@ Delicious Ambiguity, Beth@ The Stamper Story, Heidi at The Kruchowskis, and Lindsay at Our lives in a Nutshell

Some answers

We have found out this week that Emily has lymes disease. In one way I feel very relieved to know what is finally going on, in another I feel really bad because this one is a hard one to get rid of, especially since it has been going on in her since she was 2 or before. At her 2nd birthday she started waking up screaming at night that her knees hurt. She was also diagnosed with a heart murmur and anemia at that time. She quit eating well. We couldn't get her to eat much at all for quite a long period. She still doesn't eat much actually. We had her tested for all kinds of things. We looked for leukemia and arthritis as well as some blood conditions. Everything was negative and the Dr. gave us a diagnosis of growing pains.

Through the years I have often felt worried for Emily. She is very pale and her eyes are sunk in with dark circles under. She is always tired and never wants to do much. She frequently has knee pains and ankle pains and recently her elbows hurt too. Always joints. Through the years I have brought her to our naturopathic doctor and he has treated her for some different things. Whenever she is on any of his medicines she doesn't wake up with knee pains at all. In fact, one time we went 6 mo. without it. Currently she is on some of this treatments again but this time she is having bad pains. All during the day and at night. I brought her back and he tested for lymes and said she has it. He then sent us to the hospital for blood work to finalize it all.

We started treatment yesterday and I am hopeful that we are going to get this fixed for her and I'll have a normal, energetic, pain-free little girl back. I can't even imagine what it must feel like for her. You hear adults who can't handle the pain and it makes their lives debilitating. My poor Emily and she has suffered for so long.

Thank-you to those of you who have been praying for her. If you could keep her in your prayers that we could lick this that would be great. We are trusting God and know this happened for a reason if nothing than to just grow our faith.

God first right?

Do you ever feel like God is up to something big. You can feel it and sense in the way He is changing you but you just don't know what exactly He is wanting. That is exactly where I am at right now. Over and Over again He is showing himself to me in new ways...it has all happened to bring about change.

Let's chat about priorities. I've always known that my priorities are God, then husband, then kids, then others. I've thought that is how I have lived. That is how I meant to live anyway. Lately I have been shown that I am putting God/others together. I felt like I was serving God by serving others. Don't get me wrong, that is a way we can serve God but when it is happening at the expense of our husband and kids we have something mixed up. I struggle with people pleasing. Always have and probably always will. You know you have it wrong when you equate people pleasing with God. That is what I have been doing. I feel like I am being a "Godly woman" when I am pleasing others. Oh.. how wrong I have been. Our job is not to please others but to show them the way to Christ by living our lives in such a manner that they see the Christ in us and want Him for their own. How can that happen if we are always striving to please others. No, it comes by seeing strong marriages because we take the time and effort and have our boundaries set up so our husbands come 2nd in our lives. It comes by having healthy children and amazing relationships with them because we haven't cared what others thought about what committees we are in or how involved in other groups we are.

This thought is so new and freeing to me. I feel like I am walking on air. If it is a hardship on my husband or my kids I can decline and if I am judged it doesn't matter. I'm not living to please them.. only my God. He is most pleased with me when I am standing up for what is right for my family. Not that this is a free ticket to say no to everything because your kids might not want you to do something. Ultimately if God is in that #1 position we will feel a whisper or nudge in our spirit. I have found I can know if I'm supposed to do something with the presence or absence of peace I get from the decision. Don't be afraid to tell them you need time to pray about it when you are asked to be a part of something. There are so many needs out there. More than you can do alone. I have made a pact to prayerfully consider before I say yes to anything... also, since Joel is not a people pleaser and can say no without a single hint of guilt I also need to bring the request to him so he can help me see if it is going to hinder or grow our family.

This area will probably always be one I struggle in but with God's help and my husband's I hope to be able to set up healthy boundaries and overcome the guilt I feel when I say, "I can't right now." I strongly believe God has given me kids for me to raise and they are only little right now and I want to treasure and train and give them all of me. Not my leftovers.

I would love to hear how you guys balance this area in your lives if you would like to leave me a comment. It is so great to be growing and have others along with on this journey to sharpen one another in love. Thanks for your help.

My little man is two!!!

Oh how I love this litte man. I don't know how he can already be two. What a shock it was to have a boy after two little girls. I had no clue how very different they are. That things like saying, "vroom, vroom" for every machine that has an engine would come so early and so clear. Or the disaster he can put my house into within a 5 min. period.

I'm so grateful God saw fit for me to experience a boy. I love every minute of it!

Kenan-

I know that you are going to go on in life to do amazing things for God. You are going to be a warrior for His kingdom. I feel so priveleged that God gave you to us to train and equip. You truly are a blessing and I love you so much! Always know that you are special to God and to us our big blue-eyed boy.

Love-

Mommy

I have to admit, as if you guys don't know, I've been lacking in the blog world lately. Just busy with other things and most of the time my thoughts feel too jumpled to get them down in writing. You can imagine my excitement this morning when I found I had been given a Liebster award. I feel so honored. :-) It is a German word meaning dearest, beloved, favorite. So sweet! My cousin Veronica passed it onto me and you should all check out her blog. She has lots of great gluten free recipes and step by step pictures of how to make them. She also shares her heart for God and the lessons she is learning. Go check her out!

So here are the rules that go along with this award: The award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers, to promote and encourage new friendships among the blog community.
Part of this award is to pass it on to others. Here are the rules:

1.Post the award on your blog.

2.Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

3.Reveal your 5 picks for the award and let them know.

4.Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere... other bloggers.

5.Finally, the best rule of all, have fun and spread the love!

1. Beth from The Stamper Story. I've been blessed to actually know Beth. She is an amazing mother of 4 who is getting ready to leave for the mission field with her pastor husband. They went through a life changing ordeal last year when her husband almost lost his life due to an infection. She is also an amazing crafter and makes such adorable things that inspire me to be more creative. Go check her out!

2. Kara from Delicious Ambiguity. Kara is a friend from high school that I have kept in touch with. She has a great writing style and shares all the humor that goes on in her life with a very positive perspective.

3. Lindsay from Our lives in a Nutshell. I have only met Lindsay once.. because I was buying some of her amazing crafts from her, but even once let me know that her and I could be great friends! Lindsay is a kindred spirit. She is mommy to 4 little ones all the while working like crazy doing all kinds of things to help provide. She writes honestly and also with great humor. Check out her blog.. it is a sure way to make you laugh.

4. My sister Leah from In the hands of the master poet. Leah lives overseas in the UK and has a passion for serving God in whatever capacity that may be. She has traveled to Romania and Africa to work with orphaned babies as well as serving in mission roles in both Sweden and the UK. She is a very gifted writer who has even had some of her work published. Through her writing she will remind you how much God loves you and inspire you to make a difference. You should really check her out!

5. Missie at Fill My Thirst. Missie is a friend from my middle school days who I reconnected with a couple years ago. She has a deep heart for God and shares her struggles in a very real way. She is also a great photographer, and gives lots of fun craft ideas.

Happy New Year

It's that time of year again. Time to reflect on what was good and what wasn't so good about last year and try to improve. Every year I tell myself I have to try harder. I have to eat better, lose the weight, yell at my kids less, be more involved... the list goes on and on. Each year starts with a promise and ends in discouragment when once again I fail.

This year there is a glimmer of promise. God has allowed for me to become broken in many ways this year that I might turn to him and trust him and take my hands off the wheel. Through this process, and I'm very much still in the thick of it, I am learning I can do nothing.. trying harder won't get me anywhere.. I will fail. It's not through my strength but through His that any healthy and good change can be made in my life.

So this year I am praying to crave the fruits and veggies that my body so badly needs, I'm praying to keep my mouth shut more and let his spirit convict, I'm praying for him to show me where my priorities need to be and put up boundaries in all other areas so I'm not worn-out and I can be the best I can for where He needs me.

I read a really good post here, about how to trust God for your changes instead of yourself.

Happy New Year everyone! I pray that we can move beyond our fears of not being able to change to instead giving them to God and allowing Him to change us into what He wants us to become. That is where we will truly be free.