Tough Hours

It is 1:00 am and once again I just got home from work and can't sleep. So, why not blog! Next week I start picking up my 4th night in a row at work. I am worried about how this is going to work. This week alone I have closed all 3 nights which has me lucky to be sleeping by 1:00 am and then up at 7:00 with my little morning baby. I am just NOT getting enough sleep. I have started having lots of headaches again too. It is not fun to be around food and going from table to table and making polite conversation when your temples are throbbing out of your head.
When I started working I told myself ok- I can do this for 6 months. That has been my mantra I have repeated to myself over and over again. Now I find myself saying, you can make it until next summer. Just one more year. I hope I can.
I have come to the conclusion that working a day job would be so much easier and less stressful. I would have my evenings with my family, I would not be up till all hours of the night and then still have to get up at the crack of dawn. Life would feel more normal. It is really hard to put in a full day with two kids and a house to take care of and then work up the energy to run my butt off at work. The problem is I am just not willing to put my kids in daycare and have somebody else raise them. I want that privilege. Poor little Emily still cries every time I even start putting my work clothes on. When she sees Joel she starts crying more and lifts her chubby little arms up to me and cries, "mama". Try leaving to that-- It is tough! It ultimately is worth it to always have them with one of us though. So, I will quit my whining and just keep persevering. Please pray for Joel and I. The not seeing each other much is definitely a strain for our relationship. We literally will be going 4 days in a row without looking at each other. 3 has been hard enough. I know sometimes life is tough and I would have to say it is feeling that way right now. I know I will get through this and be a better person because of it. It makes me rely on God more because I am out of my comfort and what I want, and I just have to trust he knows best and there is reason for this.