Bittersweet

I have been feeling kind of torn lately. I love the feeling of knowing there is life in me and I am keeping him safe and healthy, I love the kicks and never feeling like I am alone, I love how my girls kiss and touch my belly all the time and talk to their brother whom they have never met. I love how they have named him already and love him so much. I love the anticipation and the excitement at the unknown.

Here is where the torn comes in... While I love all that, I am also feeling very ready to be myself again. To not carry around this huge extra weight around my middle, to quit having back pain, heartburn, pelvic pain, to not tire so easily and to not wake up every hour to pee. Those are all going to be great things. I am also finding myself giddy with excitement at the thought of meeting him. I can't wait. I just want to hold him and stare at his tiny features and know another miracle has taken place in our lives. And yet, I feel I do such a better job of taking care of him and keeping him safe while he is in me. I now have 3 wonderful blessings that I totally have to give to God and rely on him to keep safe.

I am really hoping he comes soon and yet a part of me wants to stay pregnant longer. I am just trying so hard to cherish every moment knowing this could be my last. The last time to ever feel a baby move inside me, the last time to have life in me. I just know how quickly time comes in and steals away all these moments. It goes by way too fast. So- torn I shall be, but I shall also cherish each and every moment of whatever stage I find myself to be in.